I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
