Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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