I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
