I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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