The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
