just tell him i said nine months
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
