i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I need water and some morals
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
