I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize