if you like me you must not know who I am
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
