He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
