In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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