you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
