We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
