take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
false alarm. still invincible.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
