If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
