At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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