At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i think i just lost a toe
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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