so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
