We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
How naked do you want me to be?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize