fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
