So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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