do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
