you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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