this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
