Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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