once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
