WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize