i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
