Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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