did i walk over a car last night?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
