I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
