NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
