I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize