Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize