1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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