this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
