Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
