I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
