i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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