Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Randomize
