I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
