Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
