I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
