Define "chronic" masturbator.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
