Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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