alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
