Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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