I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize