All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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