your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
