that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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