Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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