We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
