Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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