DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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