I got chris browned last night
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
