We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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