it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
