The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Come on in and take your pants off
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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