Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
