I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize