He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
