Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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