The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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