Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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