so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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