So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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