i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I look better un-naked...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
