Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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