I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
